My Dad In Dreams

Last night I dreamt of my dad. It was the first time that I was able to carry on a conversation with him in dreams. I remember seeing him in a dream only once before the 49-Day, but then I woke up right away upon thinking that he had already passed away.  After the 49-Day on April 1, I saw him again, but he was not speaking. I called out to him and he didn’t answer. My siblings who were with me did not see him. I was able to touch him while he was lying in bed, but he was not responsive. Last night my dad was talking to me. Somehow in the back of my mind, I knew it’d be fleeting. Somehow I knew it was not real. I savored every moment of it. I was thinking that I was glad he looked normal, that is, he looked like himself when he was still alive. But fleeting the moment it was.  Suddenly he wasn’t there. I asked my sister where he went. She didn’t know. I ran out looking for him  I didn’t see him. I started to feel so regretful that I didn’t savor my moments with him as much as I could in the past. I broke down and I cried. Then I woke up and I couldn’t carry on the crying. 

April 8, 2006