You Were My Anchor

Lovely you looked in the white wedding dress

You’d touched my heart the first moment we met

I am the lucky guy who caught your eyes

That sparkled with a passion I don’t possess

You came to be my partner in life

Walking by my side you were a devoted wife

You were the torch that shined the path

Which you were to share with me, the lucky chap

I rode on the wind that you had swirled

With the spirit that never did die

I rode on the wings that you had spread       

Far and wide whether they were heavy or light

You were the anchor that kept me upright

I followed you and thought you followed me instead

You were my center I did not realize

Until you were gone and forever closed your eyes

You were the gentle soul who brought happiness

To those around you, strangers and friends alike

You calmed a storm that fueled inside me

And slowed my steps to enjoy the simple pleasures in life

Now God has deemed your tasks were done

And has called you home where home you’ll be

Without you to hold me I’m a wretched soul

I weep in sorrow and watch for your shadow the dark nights 

Box of Letters

My husband and I had a three-year long-distance relationship before we were married. The letters we wrote each other were put into a box and stashed away somewhere in the basement and largely forgotten as children grew and life proceeded. Once in a while we reminisce about our old letters to each other. I’d go down to the basement in search for the letters and come back empty-handed. Perhaps they had been inadvertently thrown away during one of the many moves.

I went down to the basement the other day to clear out the Girl Scout camping equipment that someone said she wanted to have. While at it, I thought I also had a box of Girl Scout pencils on a bookshelf and wanted to give them away as well. I didn’t find the pencils, but I found the elusive box of letters. I didn’t dwell much on the reason I missed this box in previous searches, nor did I care to know where the pencils were, I took the box upstairs.

A flood of memories and emotions engulfed me as the box did not just contain letters my husband and I wrote to each other, but letters I’ve received from friends and family members as well as my own diaries scribbled on pieces of paper. It was a bittersweet experience as I pored over writings of four decades ago. Sometimes it seemed as if I was reading about a young girl who is removed from myself. I felt for her. She held dark thoughts I have long forgotten. Things forgotten are now available in ink. Some of them brought tears to my eyes.

I marveled at the special relationship each letter conveyed. Someone cared enough to write me, put a stamp on an envelope and mailed me a letter. Did I forget I was indeed loved by many as I forgot the depth of the turmoil within me? Did I actually say this country will never be my second country for I only had one and lost it? Did I try to forget my old friends for I never thought I’d ever see them again? Did I think I didn’t deserve even self-love?

I told a friend about the box. He exclaimed that he felt emotional as he was listening to me. He was the first to whom I confided that it was a lie when I wrote recently that I loved this country “since the day I stepped on its soil.” It didn’t agree with what was on a piece of paper forty years ago. He didn’t judge. He understood. He thinks I have a story to tell – at least to my children. I think I will.

Rainy Days

Rainy days bring back memories

Of my old land when I whisper her name

I’ve gone far away in sorrow and tears

Not knowing what have become of dear friends

I’ve gone far away taking flight

Leaving youth behind for a brand new life

I’ve brought with me a wistful longing

In a world full of dreams to be realized

I’ve closed out the chapters of days gone by

And carefully folded away the white dress of old times

It’s been many years and I still yearn for

The days of freedom for my native land

As surely as the rain will be here again

A bright day will arrive when oppression must give way

I’ll come home to wipe away the parting tears

Joyfully welcoming the rainbow for us appears