Mom's Celebration of Life

I had planned Mom's 99th birthday to be on a bat watching sunset cruise on Lady Bird Lake. In October. Even though her real birthday was in January. Because her paper birthday was in October.

Mom had a different plan. She left us three weeks prior to the party.

To borrow my dear friend Jane’s words, my mom left this life peacefully on the wings of angels. What a lovely transport supporting her. My mom left at 2:17pm on Tuesday October 6th. Lan said my mom left at that time so she could attend the Mad Hatter/Alice Party that evening. But I think also because that’s when all people who were living with her were with her at her bedside (and that window was so tight), plus my sister and brother from out of town. Mom’s 99th Birthday party will be a Celebration of Life party. We’ll pay tribute to my mom and share stories about her and you’re invited to do the same. We’ll raise our glasses in her honor. We’ll laugh and cry and hug each other. We’ll take pictures for her memory book.

The party was held to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman who took her five children out of Vietnam at the end of the Vietnam War to the land of opportunity. I owe my existing life to her. The following was what I shared about my mom.

Hello everyone,

This was supposed to be Mom’s 99th birthday party. The angels came to take her on a trip away from this world three weeks ago on a Tuesday. I had prepared this speech before her passing, not knowing I’d have to change many present tenses to past tenses.

My mom turned 99 on January 13th. My friend said my mom was already 100 years old, because in Vietnam, we are 1 year old at birth and gain a year of age at each Lunar New Year. But my mom was actually already 101 because she was born on Dec 10, 1926 (lunar calendar). She was 1 year old on the day she was born and turned 2 on Jan 1, 1927 (Lunar New Year) when she had been in the world for a mere 20 days.

Thank you for being here to celebrate my mom’s life, a remarkable life that began in Ninh Tảo Village in northern Vietnam, wound its way south to Đà Lạt and Saigon, crossed the Pacific Ocean to Arkansas, Illinois, Virginia, and ended in the heart of the Texas Hill Country.

I’d like to share a few things about my mom.

•      My mom loved to learn and loved to travel.

She came to the US when she was 48 years old, starting out working in a factory. She took ESOL classes and attended community colleges where she earned straight A’s and obtained a degree that landed her desk jobs at a publishing company and at a doctor’s office.

She had whitewater rafted, cruised the ocean, hiked on steep or snowy mountain trails, posed with buffalos and elk and wild horses, gone to Europe, survived wars, and more.

•      My mom had a sense of humor.

When George told her that it was her turn to mow the lawn, she retorted “That’s a man’s job.” Then he said, “You should cook and clean,” she replied “That’s also a man’s job.”

•      My mom loved poetry and literature

She read and recited poems. She memorized poems from famous poets as well as folk poems. She had her own poems and essays published in Vietnamese magazines. She used to sit at her computer each day to read the Vietnamese websites, correspond with people through emails, and make comments on FB posts.  

•       My mom had a sweet tooth.

When I asked if she wanted more food after a meal, she would say “No, I’m already very full.” Then I asked “Do you want ice cream?” She would laugh “Yes.” She was known to consume a whole box of chocolates in a single day.

•     My mom prided herself as a good walker.

She used to walk from one village to another to buy and sell cloth in her youth. When she was 90 years old, we had a family reunion in Outer Banks. While visiting the Wright Brothers National Memorial, I asked my mom where she’d like to explore next. There was a group of us (mostly adult males) heading to one location. I asked my mom if she wanted to follow them or to explore another part of the park. She told me to go to another part, because “those people walk too slowly.”

•     My mom loved her independence.

She balked at being transported in a wheelchair. She told her home health caregivers not to come the next day because she could take care of herself.

A nurse came to assess my mom to see what she needed help with. My mom told the nurse “Thank you very much, but I am fine. I do not need help.” My mom spoke in Vietnamese and I didn’t translate “I do not need help” to the nurse.

•     My mom loved to go on car rides.

She would ask Tom “Where are you going?” and it didn’t matter where he was going, she’d say “Take me with you.” Once when Tom was going swimming, she told him that she would sit and watch him swim.

•     My mom loved the game of tam cúc, a Vietnamese card game – even more than car rides

We were playing one day and Lan was leaving to pick up her children from school. I asked my mom if she wanted to go with Lan. Normally she jumped at the chance, but that day she said “No, I’m playing tam cúc.” The same thing happened other times when Tom or George headed out and invited her to go with them while she was playing tam cùc. We played with pennies, dimes, and nickles. I kept a box full of them. After each game, my mom didn’t want to put “her money” back into the box. She’d put the coins in her pocket for safe keeping.

I had planned to ask people to take pictures with my mom. Mom is not here, but please do allow Drakeson to take pictures of you or take selfies tonight and send them to me. I’d like to put them in a memory book for my mom. Let’s celebrate and honor this woman who had earned the respect and admiration of the people who met her.