Ninety-Nine Years Blessed

My cousin Nguyễn Lê Hùng wrote a poem for my mom after her passing. I read it at her memorial service.

To Bác Hoạt, a Beloved Vietnamese Mother, Ninety-Nine Years Blessed

Today I offer my last wish of honor,
With gratitude, remembrance, and love,
For a Vietnamese mother blessed with ninety-nine full years,
Now gently resting in the heaven peace above.

I remember in the summer of 1975,
When we crossed the sea to a new homeland;
You and your children shared the same condominium,
Beside my family and nephews, hand in hand.
In the early days, we built our immigrant homes from hope,
And your presence made that new beginning kind.

You were a Vietnamese mother of enduring grace,
Tireless in labor, selfless in every care;
Through weary days, you comforted your children,
Giving without measure, always there.
Your love reached far beyond the family doorway,
Across the vast ocean, steadfast and deep;
Even the wind, the waves, and distant shorelines
Seemed to grow still when your memories spoke.

We celebrate your blessed and enriching journey—
A life rewarding, fulfilled, and complete;
Ninety-nine years of family, faith, and giving,
A harvest of love both abundant and sweet.

Though you have gently left this earthly home,
You remain forever in our hearts and stories.
May heaven welcome you among your loved ones and friends,
Where radiant landscapes shine in endless glory.
Dance lightly upon the rainbows, dear Vietnamese Mother,
In joy, in beauty, and in peace evermore.

With Love and Cherished Memories,

Cháu Hùng

I'm So Sorry For Your Loss

Lan's poem for her grandma

That’s very nice of you.

But you don’t understand my loss.
Some grandmas grew up in a nice church family.
Some could turn a house into a home.
Some might have, on occasion, made a jello salad for a potluck.

Mine ran her own business and left it all behind.
Mine brought her family to this country at the end of the Vietnam War.
Mine took college classes in her second language.
Mine could beat you at chess.

My grandma lived with me for the last three and a half years.
She had dementia, and it only continued to progress.
Dad doesn’t want her memory to be reduced to how she was at the end.
But that’s what I know best.

That’s what I’ve grown to love, and it’s what I miss.

I miss her wearing her stupid pink jacket when it was too hot outside.
I miss her telling Mom that she had been brushing her teeth for two whole minutes.
I miss waking up because she was sneaking around in the middle of the night.
I miss her stealing the cookies that were meant for my clients.
I miss seeing her rifle through the mail.
I miss having her push the shopping cart with her sunglasses on.
I miss seeing her pretend to box with Drakeson.
I miss hearing her laugh at Lucille Ball eating too many chocolates.
I miss braiding her hair.
I miss her recitations of Vietnamese poetry.
I miss noticing that it was beautiful outside, but only because she had told me so.
I miss that every outing was a field trip.

Every outing was a field trip.

Dad remembers an elegant, classy, and determined lady.
I remember the one who made every outing a field trip.
At age 48, she got onto that boat.
At age 99, she changed her little shoes and sat patiently on her little table.
She was too busy that day to not go push that cart.

But here's the thing.
It's all the same.
Her strength never wavered.
For the ladies who make the jello salads don’t steal the cookies.
They don’t pack their bags for secret trips.
They don't scale the balcony.
They don’t win at cards.
Or put their money where their mouth is.
They hardly ever make it to 99,
They lose at chess,
And they never, ever make every outing a field trip.

I want you by my side for every field trip.
Sit with me in the car again and laugh at the traffic.
Push the cart. I promise not to walk too far ahead.
I'll help you get buckled.
I'll hold your hand in the parking lot so we don't get lost.
And you'll hold my hand.
I'll need you to, because you've always been, and always will be
Braver and stronger than I am.
And together, we'll see all there is to see.

My Mother-in-Law

This was what Tom said at my mom's memorial service.

She was my mother-in-law for nearly 47 years.  I don’t think she was that happy about it at first. She had just uprooted her family from her home country, and her beautiful daughter was marrying a big dumb American who didn’t speak Vietnamese.

For almost all of those 47 years, we lived fairly close to each other and saw each other quite often. She always impressed me as a very strong, very classy individual. She was certainly dealt a pretty tough hand to play. Forced to flee her home country in her late 40s, she escaped with her family to a strange cold country where nobody spoke her language, and with very little money. But with unending energy and determination, she played that hand beautifully, learning the language, getting a job, and buying a house before moving to Virginia in 1989 to be closer to us.

Until 2022, we lived close to each other in Virginia, and we got together many times. I got the feeling that she grew to like me or at least to be happy that I was on the scene. She was always kind to my parents, and I think they grew to respect each other and enjoy each other’s company. I’m sure that our marriage was not what either set of parents had imagined, but I know that my parents grew to be very proud of their daughter-in-law and her parents. When my mother could no longer travel, my mother-in-law always told me that she missed my parents. It seems to me that both my own parents and my in-laws grew from tolerance or acceptance, to something close to pride and love for their in-laws and their in-laws’ parents.

My mother-in-law reached her 90^th birthday before she slowed down and even then, she was in no mood to sit around. She was always very energetic and ready for an outing, and this is one of the biggest of many things about her that I will miss. Even when dementia robbed her of so much, so much of her spirit was still evident and her abundant energy showed through until the last few days. She was a dynamic woman and one of the joys in my life was to know her.

Mom's Celebration of Life

I had planned Mom's 99th birthday to be on a bat watching sunset cruise on Lady Bird Lake. In October. Even though her real birthday was in January. Because her paper birthday was in October.

Mom had a different plan. She left us three weeks prior to the party.

To borrow my dear friend Jane’s words, my mom left this life peacefully on the wings of angels. What a lovely transport supporting her. My mom left at 2:17pm on Tuesday October 6th. Lan said my mom left at that time so she could attend the Mad Hatter/Alice Party that evening. But I think also because that’s when all people who were living with her were with her at her bedside (and that window was so tight), plus my sister and brother from out of town. Mom’s 99th Birthday party will be a Celebration of Life party. We’ll pay tribute to my mom and share stories about her and you’re invited to do the same. We’ll raise our glasses in her honor. We’ll laugh and cry and hug each other. We’ll take pictures for her memory book.

The party was held to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman who took her five children out of Vietnam at the end of the Vietnam War to the land of opportunity. I owe my existing life to her. The following was what I shared about my mom.

Hello everyone,

This was supposed to be Mom’s 99th birthday party. The angels came to take her on a trip away from this world three weeks ago on a Tuesday. I had prepared this speech before her passing, not knowing I’d have to change many present tenses to past tenses.

My mom turned 99 on January 13th. My friend said my mom was already 100 years old, because in Vietnam, we are 1 year old at birth and gain a year of age at each Lunar New Year. But my mom was actually already 101 because she was born on Dec 10, 1926 (lunar calendar). She was 1 year old on the day she was born and turned 2 on Jan 1, 1927 (Lunar New Year) when she had been in the world for a mere 20 days.

Thank you for being here to celebrate my mom’s life, a remarkable life that began in Ninh Tảo Village in northern Vietnam, wound its way south to Đà Lạt and Saigon, crossed the Pacific Ocean to Arkansas, Illinois, Virginia, and ended in the heart of the Texas Hill Country.

I’d like to share a few things about my mom.

•      My mom loved to learn and loved to travel.

She came to the US when she was 48 years old, starting out working in a factory. She took ESOL classes and attended community colleges where she earned straight A’s and obtained a degree that landed her desk jobs at a publishing company and at a doctor’s office.

She had whitewater rafted, cruised the ocean, hiked on steep or snowy mountain trails, posed with buffalos and elk and wild horses, gone to Europe, survived wars, and more.

•      My mom had a sense of humor.

When George told her that it was her turn to mow the lawn, she retorted “That’s a man’s job.” Then he said, “You should cook and clean,” she replied “That’s also a man’s job.”

•      My mom loved poetry and literature

She read and recited poems. She memorized poems from famous poets as well as folk poems. She had her own poems and essays published in Vietnamese magazines. She used to sit at her computer each day to read the Vietnamese websites, correspond with people through emails, and make comments on FB posts.  

•       My mom had a sweet tooth.

When I asked if she wanted more food after a meal, she would say “No, I’m already very full.” Then I asked “Do you want ice cream?” She would laugh “Yes.” She was known to consume a whole box of chocolates in a single day.

•     My mom prided herself as a good walker.

She used to walk from one village to another to buy and sell cloth in her youth. When she was 90 years old, we had a family reunion in Outer Banks. While visiting the Wright Brothers National Memorial, I asked my mom where she’d like to explore next. There was a group of us (mostly adult males) heading to one location. I asked my mom if she wanted to follow them or to explore another part of the park. She told me to go to another part, because “those people walk too slowly.”

•     My mom loved her independence.

She balked at being transported in a wheelchair. She told her home health caregivers not to come the next day because she could take care of herself.

A nurse came to assess my mom to see what she needed help with. My mom told the nurse “Thank you very much, but I am fine. I do not need help.” My mom spoke in Vietnamese and I didn’t translate “I do not need help” to the nurse.

•     My mom loved to go on car rides.

She would ask Tom “Where are you going?” and it didn’t matter where he was going, she’d say “Take me with you.” Once when Tom was going swimming, she told him that she would sit and watch him swim.

•     My mom loved the game of tam cúc, a Vietnamese card game – even more than car rides

We were playing one day and Lan was leaving to pick up her children from school. I asked my mom if she wanted to go with Lan. Normally she jumped at the chance, but that day she said “No, I’m playing tam cúc.” The same thing happened other times when Tom or George headed out and invited her to go with them while she was playing tam cùc. We played with pennies, dimes, and nickles. I kept a box full of them. After each game, my mom didn’t want to put “her money” back into the box. She’d put the coins in her pocket for safe keeping.

I had planned to ask people to take pictures with my mom. Mom is not here, but please do allow Drakeson to take pictures of you or take selfies tonight and send them to me. I’d like to put them in a memory book for my mom. Let’s celebrate and honor this woman who had earned the respect and admiration of the people who met her.

Mom Has Gone Home

My mom has gone home. She has “về nhà.” She went home on the wings of angels. 

The day before she left us, her granddaughter Lan wrote “[She] is remarkably beautiful and strong through all of this. Her skin is so soft, her hair is so gorgeous, and she doesn’t have the ‘ugly dying person’ face. She’s so perfectly adorable; you would have to be here to believe it. She’s a legend.”

I hope my siblings and others can attest with their own stories about this legendary woman. As for me, I would just like to share my feelings of missing her, even before the angels came.

It’s often too late
When one changes annoyance to love
I miss your Tùy Con
And Con ăn gì Mẹ ăn cái ấy
I was not happy
You made me choose
It is so much easier
To be told what to do
Instead of having to think
And act on what you think is best
But now I want to decide for you
Whatever you don’t care to do on your own
I want to see you
Sit across from me
At our kitchenette table
Just you and me
You’d ask me
If bác Đệ is still alive
Or if bác Đệ has ever visited us here
Or if I knew bác Đệ at all
You’d ask me
If Ông Bà are still alive
And if they died here or in Vietnam
And tell me how you missed them
You’d ask me
How Ba died
Was he afraid of someone or something
And why did he die so young
I already miss
Our time together
As you sleep peacefully
On the bed next to mine
I already miss
Your stubborness and your grit
Your determination
Your resourcefulness
Your strength
You were a woman on the go
And I take after you
I am happy
To be a woman on the go
Just like you

At the end of my mom’s life, she wanted to go home to Ninh Tảo, the village where she was born. 

Tomorrow when I go home to Ninh Tảo 
By myself – she won’t be my guide
I will not be able to imagine accurately
Everything that’s in her memories
I will burst out crying
Regrets will fill me for I have lost
Something I’ve never had before
I have never held it
In the little hands of mine
I have never caressed it
As I caressed the doll with eyes that could open and close
I have never kissed it
As I kissed my mom’s cheeks
I have never stroked it
As I stroked my mom’s skinny hands
I have never lain next to it
As I lay next to my mom this morning
It was already dawn
And yet the house was so quiet
Time seemed to have stopped
So I could enjoy
This moment with just my mom and me
I thought of the previous days
When my mom was still with sparks in her eyes
She exclaimed The sun is so beautfiful
She asked me the questions
She asked each day
I miss those days
I want those days to come back
As a person coming back from an illness
And I wish
I could take my mom home to Ninh Tảo
How fabulous it would be
But I know
That will never happen
I miss so much
The Ninh Tảo I never have had

My dear friend Jane says strength lies in the deep suffering of our hearts. I hope to carry strength throughout my life, even though the price of strength is suffering.

Missing You

As I sit on my mom’s old bed and my mom is sleeping on the hospice hospital bed next to me. She has not been responsive this morning.

It’s often too late
When one changes annoyance to love
I miss your Tùy Con
And Con ăn gì Mẹ ăn cái ấy
I was not happy
You made me choose
It is so much easier
To be told what to do
Instead of having to think
And act on what you think is best
But now I want to decide for you
Whatever you don’t care to do on your own
I want to see you
Sit across from me
At our kitchenette table
Just you and me
You’d ask me
If bác Đệ is still alive
Or if bác Đệ had ever visited us here
Or if I knew bác Đệ at all
You’d ask me
If Ông Bà are still alive
And if they died here or in Vietnam
And tell me how you missed them
You’d ask me
How Ba died
Was he afraid of someone or something
And why did he die so young
I already miss
Our time together
As you sleep peacefully
On the bed next to mine
I already miss
Your stubborness and your grit
Your determination
Your resourcefulness
Your strength
You were a woman on the go
And I take after you
I am happy
To be a woman on the go
Just like you

Redwood September 2026

This year Liên and I decided on visiting Redwood National and State Parks, as part of our National Park Experience Project (I just came up with this NPEP nomenclature).

George, Lan, and my mom took Tom and me to the airport on the second Tuesday of September. My mom was in good hands for the next six days. She’d be taken of by George, Lan, Drakeson, Milli, and Vivi.

I enjoyed looking out of the window of the airplane. Sometimes I forget about this simple pleasure because airplanes now have their window shades down and I am likely to either read or go to sleep.

Tom and I found the shuttle to the hotel easily. We rested for a bit in our room before taking a walk on Bay Trail. The weather was very pleasant. We could see airplanes heading to the airport and the city across the bay.

We walked back to our hotel and had the complimentary drinks and snacks before dinner at Kincaid’s. Bill, Liên, and Mochi didn’t arrive until late when the restaurant in the hotel just closed.

Wednesday

We had the ocean view from the hotel room. I took a picture of the view from our window before and after breakfast. Tom, Liên, and I went to breakfast at 6:45am while Bill and Mochi were still asleep.

We took the 8:24am hotel shuttle to the airport. Mochi was interested in a panda statue from the Chinese Historical Society of America at the airport.

We flew to Arcata and picked up a rental car. 

We had lunch at the Green Country store. I colored with Mochi. 

We went to Hiller Park in McKinleyville and walked the Hammond Coastal Trail. A plaque indicates that this section of the California Coastal Trail is part of a statewide effort to create a continuous path between the Oregon and Mexico borders. Tom and I walked a bit further while Bill and Liên took Mochi back to the parking lot to play at the playground. We joined them later.

We shopped at Safeway before getting to our rental house. We checkout out the “World’s Largest Totem Pole” behind the store with the original height of 160 feet and weight of 57,000 lbs. It was carved in 1962 from a single 500-year-old redwood tree. According to RoadsideAmerica.com, the pole’s height was reduced to 125 feet in May 2023 after the rotted top of the pole had to be cut off.

We found our vacation rental house in Orick easily. It is beautiful with a large porch, large living room, and a view to the ocean. It is quite roomy with just the five of us. Liên exclaimed she wished Lan’s family could be here, but with exactly three bedrooms, the house allows only six people. 

Liên presented us with presents: a single waffle maker for Tom and a package of mochi ube waffle mix for me. We sat in the hot tub and had dinner of lasagna on the deck. 

Thursday

Tom made mochi ube waffle and it was so good. We hung around until 9am when Liên went online to request a pass to Fern Canyon and Gold Buffs Beach for the next day. Then we took off for our first hiking adventure to Trillium Falls Trail. The falls had such a small cascade that Liên couldn’t believe that was THE falls. We met a guy who seems to know a lot about Redwood. He said it was. He offered to take pictures of us.

We continued the 2.7-mile trail loop after seeing the falls and were rewarded with beautiful redwood trees and morning sun rays shining through them.

We even saw the popular banana slug which is found predominately in the redwood forests. The slugs have a symbiotic relationship with the redwoods where they eat the plants that compete with the redwoods and in return, the redwoods provide them with the cool, moist habitat they need. They also aid in seed dispersal. Governor Newton signed legislation establishing the banana slug as the California’s state slug in 2024.

We then drove to the trailhead of Lady Bird Johnson Grove Trail. Liên got excited at the parking lot and called for me loudly and repeatedly after I had already gotten out of the car. Others must have thought there was an emergency. I had added Liên on the waiting list of my trip to see the monarchs in Mexico just this morning and she got a text saying she was accepted as a participant and my roommate. We were ecstatic! 

I took pictures of Mochi at the trailhead sign. She is so cute. She stood in front of the sign and blocked the words, so I took a picture of the sign again after she ran ahead. 

Lady Bird Johnson came here in November 1968 to help dedicate Redwood National Park. She returned in August 1969 when this grove of trees was named in her honor by President Richard Nixon for her devoted service to preserve and enhance America's natural beauty for the enjoyment of all.

We stopped for a group picture with the National and State Parks sign before driving back to our rental place. 

After eating a lunch of delicious turkey and avocado sandwiches, Mochi wanted me to play with her and go to sleep on the spacious floor of the living room using the pillows and blankets she set out. Lan thought it was so cute that Mochi pretended to be asleep when Liên snapped a picture of us lying on the floor. 

After playing and resting, we went to Prairie Creek State Park and took a 3-mile walk along several different trails from the Visitor's Center. We started out on the Karl Knapp Memorial Trail and walked 1.4 miles to Big Tree Wayside. 

Big Tree has a height of 286 feet with a diameter of 23.7 feet and a circumference of 74.5 feet. It is estimated to be 1,500 years old. 

We then took the Circle Trail to be connected to the Cathedral Trees Trail, our main objective for this afternoon.

It took us 1.5 hours to complete the loop. We came back home and cooked tacos for dinner. We ate on the patio and sat in the hot tub before retiring for the night.

Friday

After breakfast of waffles, egg and tomato burritos, and coffee, we left about 9am to go to Fern Canyon. Our car had to cross a stream twice on a gravel road, but it was totally doable. At the trailhead, I met a family of three Vietnamese women. I offered to take pictures for them. I was impressed that they were prepared with waterproof boots, and I felt inadequate in my sandals, but they said they felt embarrassed for being over-prepared.

The trailhead for Fern Canyon is on the Gold Bluffs Beach section of the Coastal Trail. The plaques say this was a long-time Indian trade route and later used by miners and packers from Crescent City to Trinidad. Gold Bluffs is the site of a mini gold rush in the 1850’s when flecks of gold in the dark sand were discovered. Some of the ferns in the canyon are ancient species that can be traced back 325 million years. The seeping water supplies year-round dampness for the dense foliage. This was one of several filming sites for Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World. 

We were reminded that Redwood is Bear, Mountain Lion, and Elk Country. For our entire trip, we saw elk but not bears or lions.

We walked a dry section for a while.

At the first stream crossing, I was apprehensive because I thought the water would be freezing. A guy who was coming out told us there would be 14 more crossings. But once I crossed the water, I found it wasn't too cold and I felt confident to continue.

I caught up with my Vietnamese friends. We took pictures of each other and exchanged phone numbers. 

The stream crossings became routine and yet unique. It was even fun.

According to the map, there is a waterfall named Gold Dust on the Coastal Trail, but we had a hard time figuring how to get to the trail. Someone told us that the trail is overgrown but totally worth it and directed us to a path where we found an interesting grove of small trees covered with moss. There is a sign calling this Van Alstyne Redwood Grove.

We followed the path for a while and found it too overgrown for our comfort. We were thinking of marking the path somehow, but in the end decided to abandon the walk. We walked to the beach instead. 

From afar, these looked like tepees to me. Mochi called them party hats. 

On our way out of Prairie Creek State Park, we saw a male elk with beautiful antlers at the Entrance Station. Down the road were three more elk. What a treat.

After having lunch and resting back at our rental place, we set out to the Redwood Creek Trail which would be our last walk in the Redwood Parks. 

We walked the first 1.7 miles to the first creek crossing. 

Right before we got to the creek, there were two paths, the left one has a sign in black marked "Not A Trail" and the right one has a sign in red marked "Trail." 

Liên's with "Not A Trail" sign and Tom's with "Trail" sign

Tom took a dip in the creek.

Pictures I took on the way back give different perspectives of the trail.

On the way back to our temporary abode, we stopped at Orick Mart and bought a loaf of bread, milk, zuchini, and sausage to go with the mac & cheese. Bill cooked the mac & cheese. I cooked the sausage and zuchini and added a half of an apple. We had dinner on the porch and used the hot tub one last time.

Under Mochi’s directions, we played the game of sleeping on the floor of the family room.

Saturday

We had a breakfast of waffles and eggs. We finished up pretty much all the groceries we bought. Mochi played and did exercises of stretching and sitting up with me. We left the house before 9am after cleaning up. We took a few pictures before leaving our home of the last few days. 

We said goodbye to the redwood forests and went to Sequoia Park Zoo in Eureka. We thought the main attraction here was the Redwood Skywalk, but Mochi proved to us otherwise. She loved seeing the animals a hundred times more. 

We walked the skywalk. It was a must even if it wasn't Mochi's favorite.

We saw black bears.

We saw a red panda.

We saw a spider.

We brushed the hair of goats and sheep.

We saw a peccary.

We saw birds of different feathers.

We were mesmerized with a "spiky" tiger moth caterpillar.

We saw monkeys.

We danced with otters.

We had fun.

We regretfully said goodbye to Sequoia Park Zoo to head to the airport to get back to San Francisco. 

We took a walk from our hotel to dinner at Kincaid's. 

Sunday

Tom and I got up early to have breakfast at 6:30am, not realizing that breakfast is not served until 7:30am on the weekend. Liên was with us while Bill and Mochi were still in bed. We were able to have some coffee and fruit. The shuttle came at 6:53am and left at 6:54am which was exactly on time.

Our flight was on time. I might have napped some on the plane, but I kept the window shade up the whole flight. The clouds didn't cover the view below. 

Thus ended our wonderful trip to the redwood forests. When Bill and Liên and Mochi boarded their flight from San Francisco to Honolulu, Mochi thought we'd be on the last row, several rows behind her as when we flew to and from Arcata. She was looking for us. I missed her. I missed the weather. I missed the redwood forests. I missed the tall trees and big ferns. I missed playing sleeping on the floor of the living room. I missed the hot tub. I missed breakfasts of waffles and eggs.

I am glad to have the memories to look back on.