Irvington Visit - August 2026

Jane and Ron are our dear friends in Northern Virginia. Shortly after we moved to Texas to be close to our daughter Lan, Jane and Ron moved to New York to be close to their daughter Élida. I visited Jane and Ron two years ago when they were comfortable at their new place in New York. Then “life changed in an instant” for Jane on May 10, 2025. This is an update from Jane I received on June 20, 2026.

When we moved to our quaint hamlet of Irvington, with the sometimes-calm and sometimes-angry Hudson River peaking through the short avenues populated with trees, old-time businesses, and New England homes, we could not have projected what three years would bring.

As we sit outside in what I call our secret garden, slowly gliding (on our glider) through the midday breezes, birds of all colors and sizes whiz pass us, seeking the cool water and nourishing seeds from our neighbor’s bird sanctuary. Sometimes I hear a bird whisper to me, “Your family needs to know about you!” or, “Your friends are worried!”  In deference to those beautiful birds that sing me awake and accompany my day, I will tell as much a story as I can.

Let’s get me over with. Last year I had a stress, head-on car accident, fractured a bone in my neck, had another fusion, and now function with a fused neck and lumbar. Key word: I function. Now, to Ron.

Three years ago we were sitting in a friend’s living room in Centreville, and Ron was regaling them with stories about his work with the church and the United Farmworkers, stories that he created from. . . well, I don’t know what. Since that time, his stories have become even more unfounded. Sometimes I even laugh when he begins a story that was someone else’s, like my mother’s! His essence of reality is waning. I don’t see it as much as someone who sees him only occasionally. Maybe because I am used to it.

I also have become quite skilled at the oft-played childhood game of long trips: twenty questions. The dialogue goes this way (we just had this conversation):

J: how did he die?
R: he had, oh you know.
J: umh, was it an accident, or was he sick?
R: it was, YOU know.
J: he was sick. Do you know what he had?
R: well, YOU know. It’s what everyone has. Men and women.

And so on. Sometimes I can guess on the first try. If we get to 19 or 20 questions, he gets pretty frustrated, and the NOs and YOU KNOWs become louder.

He still jokes. He still laughs. He still dresses himself, though it could be three layers. But that’s okay: he sits in front of the fan turned on high.

Ron is like descending a staircase into the darkness. The door closes behind him with every step he takes downward; there is no return, no going back. He desperately wants to return, but he is beginning to realize the door has closed forever.

So, he asks me how what to do to the lamp to make it turn on, or to make that “thing” have light. Though probably some of those words were not in the question. Those questions come at me regularly, and then I have to repeat the responses the next day. But there is no harm in that.

For now we are enjoying our little carriage house apartment with the cupola. It brings us solace. We both are functioning well and look forward daily to the next rays of sunshine breaking through the gauzy curtains.

So, whoever is telling those birds to tell us to be speedier with our messages, rest assured, we are doing well. You’ll find us in our glider, rocking away to the rhythms of the squeaks, bees, birds, and the flower buds pushing up through the soil.

It shook me. I told Jane I missed her and Ron. And us in Improve. And us sharing meals. And us laughing. And us shopping for flowers. And us with matching hats. Jane said “Me too. Like everyday.”

That sealed it. I had to see Jane and Ron. Tom wanted to come with. My sister agreed to come watch my mom. It has to be in the summer because my sister is a teacher. August it is. I bought flight tickets and reserved a rental car. I made a miscalculation and had less than a day in between two trips. I came back from Hawaii on Tuesday late morning and left for New York on Wednesday early morning.

Wednesday

Neither Tom nor I checked our emails which have the American Airlines notification that our flight was delayed from 8:45am to 11am and then to noon. We got up at 6am and went to the airport and found out we’d have to wait for three hours. I asked for an AA club pass, but only got meal vouchers worth $12 per person. We used the vouchers at Medici to get sandwiches and a muffin. We went to the United Club to see if we could buy club passes, but it was closed due to maintenance. We got some coffee and sat at the atrium instead.

Our flight from Charlotte was also delayed. We canceled the car rental reservation after checking with Jane that we could take a taxi to her place and would not need a separate car. That was a good thing because it was dark and rainy when we arrived. It would not be fun to drive the 30 minutes to Jane's house on unfamiliar highways. The taxi driver dropped us off at the front of the carriage house. I didn’t recognize it in the dark. I was wondering if he had dropped us off at the right place as I was pulling my suitcase to the side of the house. And it was. I came in and met Basia, Tavo’s nanny who now comes Wednesday each week and stayed over that one night to help Ron and Jane out. Lena, Ron and Jane’s goddaughter, came a bit later. She lives in Northern Virginia but travels to NY often for her modeling/acting gigs. Tom and I had not met Basia nor Lena before, but the conversation flowed so smoothly. The six of us kept talking until after midnight. Even after we realized it was after midnight, we stayed up a bit longer. I had no trouble falling asleep. Tom and I had been up for over 18 hours. Most of our time had been on the plane or at an airport. 

Thursday

Ron and Jane already had an array of donuts ready for us. I had a donut with a cup of coffee  and thought that was my breakfast. But I said yes when Basia offered to make an egg for anyone who wanted one. I am so glad I did because she presented us with full plates of fried eggs, ham, tomato salsa, avocado, and arugula salad. She served crisp tortillas on the side. Basia said she loves to cook and entertain. Jane said Basia is a good cook and always presents the dishes with flair.

Ron and I took a walk to Halsey Pond Park after brunch while Tom napped and the other three women gathered in “Basia’s room” to chat. The path from the Hamilton Road Entrance was too rough with some erosion so we didn't enter the park.

When we got back, Ron took a nap and I joined the women. Lena took pictures of Jane and me and shared them with Kelly (her mom) whom I know from Improv. Kelly and I said hi to each other through Lena.

Basia left around 3pm. Lena got another acting/modeling gig tonight at a place two hours north of here. She left shortly afterwards and said she’d stay with an aunt who lives near her place of shooting. Tom and I are glad we got to meet Basia and Lena, whom I had heard so much about from Jane.

Ron, Jane, Tom, and I went to Matthiessen Park and sat at a picnic table. We had sandwiches and chips for dinner while enjoying each other’s company, as daylight slowly faded away.

Friday

I sat on the glider with Ron for a while in the morning while Jane was still in her room. I joined Jane when her bedroom door was opened. We talked about dementia and the people we know who suffer from the illness. 

Jane made oatmeal and we had breakfast together. Afterwards, Tom and I went on a walk with Ron to the Hamilton Road Entrance of Halsey Pond Park, which is Ron's usual route. As the day before, we didn't proceed beyond the entrance. We came back and enjoyed some time on the patio.

We had planned to go to Villa Lewaro - a mansion commissioned by Madam C.J. Walker, the first female self-made millionaire in the U.S. who was a Black woman – and O’Hara Nature Center in the afternoon. After we took a nap, Jane proposed that Tom and I go out while she and Ron rest at home, but I told her I didn’t need to go anywhere. Then Jane and I found out that Villa Lewaro isn’t open on a daily basis for the general public. 

After Ron got up and ate some pizzas, we decided to go to O’Hara Nature Center which is the key facility within the Irvington Woods Park. Although the center was closed, the park trails were open. The hills and the terrain were a little tough. Ron was very nervous because he didn’t know where he was or where we were going, despite being with us. We had to go down a steep set of stairs. 

On the way back, Ron couldn’t imagine having gone down the steep stairs and was nervous going up them. But we made it out to our car just fine. We sat at the picnic table to rest for a while. 

We had a dinner reservation at Goosefeather, a Cantonese restaurant in Tarrytown recommended to Jane by Élida, but the restaurant wasn’t open yet. We drove around to a neighborhood where Jane said Michael Douglas lives. But we didn’t know which house was his. 

After Tom and I dropped Ron and Jane off at the restaurant, we went to park the car. We couldn’t lock it because we didn’t have the fob. Jane and Ron were waiting for us outside. I took the fob from Ron and ran downhill to lock the car. We were seated in a room with another table that was empty for half of the time we were there and that made us feel as we had our own private room. 

We shared spicy salmon tartare, shrimp & crab stir fried noodle, black pepper beef, and walnut shrimp. I had a Slippin (cilantro infused Mezcal, saffron liquor, velvet falernum, lime) and Tom had a pineapple cider. Jane liked Tom’s joke that we’d treat them because I am afraid the children will get the money. She said she’d use his line. 

The check came in a copy of The Call of the Canyon book by Zane Grey. Everyone thought that was charming. 

Tom and I went to pick up the car. We didn’t realize it was pouring. Half way down the hill, I realized we didn’t have the fob. Then I thought we didn’t need the fob because we didn’t lock the car (I totally forgot I did lock it after getting the fob from Ron.) Then I realized we needed the fob in order to drive. Tom told me to go into the car while he ran back for the fob. When I got to the proximity of where the car was, I started to try to open car doors of anything that looked like a SUV and this row of cars was all SUVs. At the last car (probably the 6th and it happened to be the right one) I tried, I suddenly remembered I did lock the car! There was no refuge from the rain. I stood in the heavy rain waiting for Tom. He tried to get in a wrong car. I called out to him and told him he needed to unlock the car first. 

Everyone was soaked and cold. I was dreaming of a warm shower on the way home. After we showered and put on dry clothes, Jane and I went through her liquor cabinet. I chose to open the single malt whiskey bottle. All four of us settled down in the family room. What happened next was so unfortunate. This is what I wrote to my children the next day.

Yesterday we were caught in a heavy rain after dinner at a restaurant. I happened to get the wettest because I had to stand in the rain the longest. Long story. Anyway, everyone was wet when we got home. I was soaked! I took a warm shower and wanted a glass of whiskey to warm myself up some more. We found an old bottle of single malt whiskey. It was so old that the cork disintegrated when I opened the bottle. The whiskey was still good. I saw a foot massage. I put my feet in, turned the unit on, held the glass of whiskey on one hand, and started to relax.

That didn’t last long.

Jane got up and I saw her falter. If I wasn’t trapped and my left arm was free, I might have been able to prevent a fall. I helplessly watched Jane fall onto the ground and with her, the round table which held a few breakable things. There was a crash. Something Jane didn’t care for very much broke. Her more precious dance statue and Ron’s glass award were intact.

But Jane wasn’t. She thought she was okay. I helped her get up. We saw some blood on the rug. Then I saw blood dripping down her face. Omg. We had her sit down. I gave Jane a tissue to hold over the wound. Dad went to get the first aid kit. There was a big gape that might require stitching. I took a picture of her wound and emailed it to George and Liên. I called both and also Thuần but no one answered. Liên texted back and we started a texting correspondence. Liên consulted her ER doctor friends who said they’d let Jane decide what to do if there are no neuro changes. Jane decided not to go to ER. When the bleeding stopped, we put Neosporin ointment on the wound and a band-aid over it. Dad set his alarm to check her during the night two times for neuro changes.

Per Kate, Liên’s ER doctor friend, Jane should update her tetanus. She said she would do it the next day. I folded the laundry and everyone went to bed around 10pm.

Saturday

Tom left to get bagels and band-aids and Aquaphor for Jane when he got up. Tom got home as I was about to make coffee. I had a bagel and cream cheese with him. When Jane got up, I applied Neosporin and Aquaphor to Jane’s wound and changed Jane’s band-aid. I made Ron and me some fried eggs. Jane heated up some tortillas for us.

Élida, Jeremy, Tavo, Stu, and Kim came in the afternoon after they went to Lyndhurst Mansion. Tavo showed Stu and Kim his room (the one we stayed in). 

After their visit, the four of us sat on the patio with snacks and wine. I offered to go on a walk with Ron but he said it was too hot. I helped Jane cook dinner. She made spaghetti and clam sauce and salad dressing. I made a salad and she teased me that I made food for seven people (I live in a 4-generation household with seven people.) While we were cooking, Ron came out and said he was “willing to go on a walk.” I asked Tom to go with Ron because I was in the kitchen. Tom came back to ask which way to go because Ron forgot. Jane said that was the first time Ron forgot his route. Tom came back from the walk and said the path to the park was blocked by a fallen tree and the passage now is nearly impossible.

After dinner, Tom and I poured ourselves some single malt whiskey. The four of us sat and talked until 10pm when Tom and I got ready for bed. 

Sunday

Tom offered to go get donuts. I went to Ron and Jane’s room to get the car fob and asked Jane what kinds of donuts they wanted. I wanted Boston cream and French cruller. Jane wanted chocolate. Jane said Ron wanted glazed. Everyone was up by the time Tom got back. Jane loved her double chocolate donut! She said she had never tasted a donut that good.  

Jane had wanted to go to the city of Peekskill when I visited two years ago, but she missed the turn when she drove us there and we never went back. She thought the city looked charming when she was there at one time. Ron asked me to tell him again where we were going and seemed comfortable with my answer. He is nervous when he doesn't know where he is or where he is going.

When we got to Peekskill, we passed a Walgreens and that reminded me that Jane had not had her tetanus shot. I insisted we stop there. Both Ron and Jane got the shot. The pharmacist told Jane about the yellow brick road in Peekskill that was the inspiration for Frank Baum’s Wizard of Oz. Jane found the directions to the original yellow brick road on her GPS. We followed it and ended up parking at Peekskill Landing Park. We walked back to where the GPS led us. There are no plaques and no people around. We never found the sign pointing to the yellow brick road as the pharmacist said. It didn’t look like a place of interest so I wasn’t sure if we were at the right place. Tom took pictures of Jane and me anyway.

We went back to the park. I was going to walk around on the riverwalk with Tom. Jane and Ron were willing to sit at a bench while waiting for us. But then Tom saw a boat coming in and decided to check to see if there are tours. The park is beautiful with statues, monuments, and plaques. I learned that "The river before you is in no hurry to reach the Atlantic Ocean" and that the Native Americans called it "River that Flows Two Ways." Anglers fishing from the Hudson's banks catch white perch and blue-claw crab most often than anything else. 

Tom came back and said there is a 2-hour tour that would start in 30 minutes. He didn’t know where it goes to but the timing worked out. We decided to go for it. The boat wasn’t too crowded. We got the whole below-the-deck front section for ourselves. The included lunch did not include drinks, which was strange, but the food was decent.

This was a history tour to West Point. Tom didn’t know that. He had expressed an interest in seeing West Point, so this was a nice bonus. We saw a private property with a beautiful falls. I wouldn’t mind living there. 

I napped on the way back on the cushioned bench. I woke up right before the boat ride ended. We wanted to drive back another way. Jane chose to go by Chappaqua to say hi to Élida, Jeremy, and Tavo.

On the way home, we stopped at a grocery store to get pizzas and beer. When we got home, we ate pizzas and drank beer while watching Godspell. It was such a nice day.

Monday

I ate the last French cruller with my coffee in the morning. Jane told me Ron had gotten up at 4am to take a shower and get ready for the train trip he’s taking with Tom to Poughkeepsie on the MTA line, while Jane and I would go window shopping. We heated up old hot cereal for breakfast. 

After Jane and I dropped the guys off at the train station, Jane directed me to Dobbs Ferry. We walked along Main Street but the few shops we saw are closed on Mondays. We rested at a table and chairs set outside a deli. A deli person gave Jane a lemonade on the house. Liên called on Facetime while we were there, so Jane got to talk to Mochi and Liên. 

On the way back to the car on the other side of Main Street, Jane found a friend. She had matching colors of red, white, and blue with him.

We stopped at the local library and just sat and talked. We walked back to the car and drove to another town but we didn’t see any shops opened. We went back to Dobbs Ferry and had lunch at Buddha Asian Bistro. We ordered beef satay, crispy shrimp, and Vietnamese spring rolls from the Asian Tapas menu. 

We went home and rested until 5pm when we went to the train station to pick up Ron and Tom. They had missed the Irvington stop and went to the next stop. We drove to the next stop to pick them up. Tom shared pictures of Ron from the train trip.

For dinner, I wanted to go to Mambo, the Italian restaurant in Irvington where Ron, Jane, and I went to two years ago. We found out it’s closed on Mondays when we got there. We walked further down Main Street towards the water and ate at La Chinita Poblana, a Mexican restaurant. 

We sat on the patio when we got home, drinking wine and chatting, until I had enough with the mosquito bites. 

Tuesday

Today was our travel day home. I finalized my packing and scheduled a pick-up from Lyft. The four of us sat at the dining room table for breakfast. Tom and I ate the crab salad (salpicon de jaiba) that Jane ordered from La Chinita Poblana but didn’t like it. We talked until 11:40am when the Lyft driver came. Ron and Jane walked to the front of the carriage house to say bye to us. Deok was our driver. He said he was from Korea. He remembered giving Jane a ride before. We talked and he was pleasant.

The airport is small and was full of people that day. We found exactly two empty seats at a tall table at the only deli there. We shared a salad. Jane texted that she missed us already and that Ron asked her if we’d come back because he had such a good time. That was so sweet and touching. 

I watched Manhattan slowly fading from the plane. I said bye to Manhattan though we didn't get to spend time there as Tom had wished to at one point. 

 

I am grateful for the opportunity to visit with Jane and Ron. They are very dear to me. I think their place is lovely. I love the names of the villages/hamlets of Irvington, Tarrytown, Sleepy Hollow, Pleasantville, Chappaqua,… They sound so romantic, like names that only Hollywood would come up with. 

I wish we lived closer as we did in Northern Virginia. I am glad Ron had fond memories of our visit. Jane texted me the next day.

Ron is still talking about the train ride and how sweet Tom was. I don’t think Ron necessarily used the word “sweet,” but it is what he meant.