Post Menopause

I’d go back to menopause with its hot flashes.

I’ve broken a wrist since then. At times I feel like my body is falling apart. Ten years after menopause, I had a heavy menstrual period. Things checked out medically but I was a wreck. I thought I felt something that I assumed was a uterus prolapse. I was scared and devastated. But I turned out to be fine. Things went back to normal. Except there is a new normal.

I used to ask my massage therapist to work on a particular part of my body, but now I don’t know what part to focus on. I need to release tension and aches everywhere. I added more routines like stretching and yoga to my daily life to combat the effect of age on my ailing body. I started weight bearing exercises to build bone mass for my small frame. Now my cardiologist would love for me to go vegan, but he compromised by allowing fish and seafood in my diet, in moderate amounts.

A friend said breaking a bone is a rite of passage. Ha ha. Somehow it did make me feel better. So is menopause. So is growing old. I suppose.

Growing old is not for sissies. It sucks. It affirms. It’s a privilege. I do not want to take it for granted. I will take care of my mental and physical health. I want to raise a glass to Post Menopause. May mine be a long one filled with many happy memories and rites of passage.

My Valentine

I often associate the idea of Valentine with flowers and romance which I didn’t think apply to me at this stage of my life. I figure it invokes a bursting fire full of intensity and passion. My husband and I could be intense and passionate, but I do not think of us that way because we rarely act that way. We still care for each other a great deal, but we also annoy each other a great deal. On Valentine’s Day, I sent my husband a Valentine greeting while I was over 2,000 miles away and I never got a response. The day before Valentine’s Day, I told my travel companion to remind me to send my husband a Happy Valentine’s text message, she said “You didn’t get him anything?” No, I did not. She added, “And now you’re sending him a Happy Valentine’s via Debbie?” Ha ha. The day after my birthday, I went on a trip with a friend and left him at home to take care of my elderly mother. He drove me to the airport and brought my mother along just because she doesn’t like to be home without us, even though she’d forget about the outing as soon as it’s over. It is okay that he did not get me anything for Valentine’s Day. If I want flowers, I’ll buy them myself. It used to be that we might tell each other what we wish to have for birthdays or holidays. But we’re at the stage in our lives when we don’t really have to wait until our birthdays to get anything our hearts desire. Whatever we want or need, we are able to get them. We do not want or need a lot. We downsized. More unwanted gifts could mean more clutter. We now prefer to take each other out for a dinner, a show, a trip, or an experience. With my mother needing care, it is harder for us to travel together. He offered to let me travel with my friends and siblings while he takes care of my mom. I let him do the same. We travel without each other sometimes and with each other when we can secure help for my mother. We try to travel together at least once a year. My husband. My Valentine. Yes, my Valentine. He does not always come with flowers or bear tangible gifts, but he is a steady force of my life. He provides me with a quiet passion for both of my emotional and physical needs. We maintain our sense of humor and have laughed together in the face of adversities. We’ve survived crises together. We lived through good times and bad times and we will continue growing old together. My Valentine and me.

Heavenly Signs

I recently encountered a new word: Angel Bumps, which are signs people say they have received from their lost loved ones. Anne Bardsley published a book called Angel Bumps: Hellos from Heaven. She believes hellos from heaven are both common and real. I believe I have experienced similar occurrences. Anne Bardsley’s article about Angel Bumps inspires me to record my own stories of the heavenly signs that appeared to me as I remember them.

When I was eight years old, I had a dream of my paternal grandfather. I didn’t remember the details of the dream or if he said anything in particular to me, but when I woke up in the morning, I just knew that he had died. And that turned out to be true. We received words that he had just passed away. My grandfather must have communicated with me in some way.

My Dad was in the hospital in 2006. He was in a coma. My mother, my husband and I, all of my siblings, and two cousins were keeping watch in a small hospital room all morning. When my father’s signs seemed to be stabilized , we all left to go home for a rest except for one cousin who remained with my dad. He called us a few hours later and told us to come as soon as possible for the time to say goodbye was imminent. We drove in separate cars. My husband and I encountered some traffic delay and we were the last ones of the group to reach the hospital. As soon as I ran into the hospital room, my father’s heart rate on the monitor suddenly jumped up for a moment. I was told that the heart rate had been flat for quite a while. It jumped up when my mother entered the room and now it jumped up for the last time when I entered. He showed signs that he knew we were all there for him.

I had a very dear high school French teacher. We kept in touch over the years. She was diagnosed with cancer in May 2021. I was able to spend a few days with her and a number of her students at a beach house that month. Her conditions worsened in the following months. On September 10 of that year, I woke up during the night and saw her at the foot of my bed. The moment was fleeting. I looked at my clock. It was 2:22am Eastern time. In the morning of September 11, I got words that she died at 11:28pm the night before. She lived in California and I lived in Virginia. That would be 2:28am Eastern time. When I told her daughter the time I saw her mother, she told me that her mom stopped breathing at 11:20pm but her heart continued to beat for another 8 minutes. Early on during those 8 minutes, she had come to say goodbye to me.

I strongly felt my teacher’s presence during my camping trip in Utah in October 2021, a month after she had passed away. During the camping trip, I used a small mirror and a little flash light to guide me putting on my contact lenses in the morning while I was still in the tent. I have monovision contact lenses, one lens is for near vision, and one is for distance. I thought I had them both on, but I didn’t have the near vision lens in my eye. I couldn’t tell because I saw fine with the one for distance and I wasn’t trying to read. Not until we were already on the road in the van, and I tried to look at my phone that I realized I didn’t have the near vision lens on. We went hiking and didn’t get back to our camping site until dark. The prospect of finding the one contact lens was dim. But somehow I thought my teacher would help me find it. As soon as we got back to our site, I took a flashlight with me and went searching in the tent. I looked in the lens case, in the bag that held the lens case and solution, and in my other toiletry bags. I looked on the sleeping bag, on top of it and inside of it and didn’t find the lens. As I was about to declare defeat and turned around to get out of the tent, there I saw the lens, lying on top of the sleeping bag. I figured it must have clung to the rough texture of the contact lens bag and at the last minute, fell onto the sleeping bag. I imagined my teacher guide it to fall at the right moment.

I felt my teacher’s presence again a year later in September 2022 when my husband Tom, my sister-in-law Mary, and I went hiking in the Cascades, a 9-mile round trip to Hart Lake from Holden Village. The air was a bit chilly when we began but was warm and buggy by the time we had only a mile to get back to our cabins. Tom swatted a bug that had landed on his face with his left hand and his glasses flew out. We stopped for him to pick his glasses up. He couldn’t find them. Mary and I joined in the search. We looked everywhere. We turned up the leaves and bushes and went up and down the trail. We looked both to the right and to the left since Tom wasn’t sure what path the glasses took when falling. I was about to give up. Then I remembered that my teacher had helped me find my contact lenses. I told myself I needed to give myself some more time. I asked my teacher to direct my gaze to the right place. Right after I spoke to her, I turned to the opposite side of where I was looking, and I saw a gleam of metal in the grass! She was there for me again!

All of what happened to me could be interpreted as dreams and coincidences, but I believe otherwise. I hope I always recognize any heavenly signs coming my way and I hope you will, too.

Twenty Twenty Five

I miss Little Mochi
Drakeson and Milli
As the fireworks
Cheering the new year
Explode in the air
And you are not here
I will greet the New Year
When the clock strikes twelve
No balloons or hats
Will adorn my head
I will think of you
As I raise a toast
To another year
Of growth and sweetness
Of fun adventures
And laughter and love
May the heartaches be few
Joy be abundant
Happiness abound
Wishing you the best
In Twenty Twenty Five

Silver Wheels

My Silver Wheels oh my Silver Wheels

Did you adore the joyride

For an hour and a half

With just you and me

On the slippery roads

From Austin Lake Hills to Manchaca

And back again

My hands were firm on the steering wheels

My eyes affixed on the road ahead

I prayed for both of us

To be safely delivered

To our destination intact 

On Bliss Spillar Road

I thought you’d get a rest

While my legs got running to do

But Nature intervened

And the authorities declared

The fields are to be closed

They are too wet to be trampled on

By soccer players and referees

I am glad you were my loyal companion

Taking me safely back to our abode

It was a bitter sweet experience

I did not get to run

But I got a joyride with you

My Silver Wheels oh my Silver Wheels

Chicken Cabbage Salad - 100-word snippet

I made a Vietnamese chicken cabbage salad. It was my granddaughter Milli who went crazy about it. Which was a surprise because she usually is a picky eater. Her brother Drakeson tends to love Vietnamese food much more than she does. She came to me with hands on hip, “My mother grew up with this! Is it too late for me to grow up with it?” “Not all all,” I replied. She went away, satisfied. But wait, she came back five minutes later, crying “This is unacceptable! I am nine and this is the first time I had this dish.”

I Have Found My Groove - 100-word snippet

I did not get to fully live a retired life in the old place because I was busy preparing to move. I wonder in time, if I had stayed, what new interests and hobbies I would have found myself involved in. In the new city, I lamented that I did not have friends to go out to lunch with. That is no longer true. I have found new friends in various new and old activities. I wore an inflatable butterfly costume playing pickleball.  I am into soccer, pickleball, yoga, pilates, weightlifting, stretching, barre, and storytelling. I have found my groove.